I remember the first time my partner saw me wearing my satin briefs from Body Aware. We hadn’t been together for long, and she didn’t know about my love for underwear. She seemed pretty open and trustworthy, but still, I found my heart beating a bit more rapidly; I was both nervous and excited! Taking off my jeans she said, “Oh my god! I love this! You look like a present!” Her response couldn’t have made me happier.
I loved her thinking of me like this - a present. Perhaps I am getting more sentimental as I grow older, but I finally understand that the greatest gift you can give to another person is the gift of yourself. I’ve learned that now as a parent, a spouse, and a lover. To be fully yourself, to be present and intimate with other people is really the best we can do, and in giving this we can also receive the same in return.
When I say to be fully yourself, I mean that in every possible way. I know this might sound strange on an underwear blog, but in my experience undies have played a big role for me. I was with my last partner for about 15 years, and the entire time she shamed me for my interest in underwear. This, in turn, made me feel poorly for wanting to wear thongs, anything lace, and satin. I would still wear all these things, but I hid them from her, and that never felt good. I recognize now that this was terrible. Mutually, both of us lost in denying something that seemed an essential part of me. I had to hide something within myself and her. Therefore, she never got the gift of enjoying something that makes me feel so good about myself, and thus never really got the full gift of me.
As a man today, I think it takes great strength and confidence to wear lace or thongs or satin in front of another. Many would find this an affront to masculinity, but in reality sharing, yourself fully takes real courage, and in this way showing your true colors is a tremendous gift. And if these are things that feel important to you as they do to me, sharing them with another also takes trust and shows that you are really willing to be yourself. Indeed, I can say the first time I wore these kinds of underwear for my current partner, I was both excited and terrified. I was confident and also vulnerable, and to me, these are the markers of real intimacy.
There is a much simpler way to think about these things. You know when you get a present on your birthday or Christmas, and the giver took tremendous care in wrapping the gift to make it look loved and enticing? I like to think of underwear in this way, as a beautiful wrapping for sharing the gift that is me.
To be fully yourself, showing all your quirks, kinks, fetishes, strengths and weakness is real intimacy, and speaking from my experience this is what I really crave. I love how I use my underwear and panties to express myself to my partner, as a sort of gift wrapping to show her more of who I am inside. And how it makes me feel special when I share this side of myself with her.
Signing off for now!