Masculinity Today - Comparing Modern Masculinity to Legacy Masculinity
There is so much going on in the world today. We all receive constant information from many sources. The fun part is that life is all around us. As we go out and interact in our communities we have those interesting interactions. Commuting to work, grabbing lunch at the corner deli, responding to emails, scrolling through Social Media, our days are filled with constant interactions, whether we ask for them or not.
One of the topics I always see popping up is the idea of masculinity today. For some reason it seems as if that topic always appears in commercials, podcasts, news, and entertainment. It appears as if the idea of what it means to be masculine, and to be comfortable in your masculinity, has somehow become cloudy or uncertain.
There are some terms we have all been hearing, such as toxic masculinity, or aggressive masculinity. It seems as though even the word masculinity has a somewhat negative connotation these days.
Let us not confuse ourselves into thinking this is an attack on men, or masculinity. When I looked at the situation for women, they are also in a similar position. If you see the word femininity, or feminist, there are also some very strong, and negative, connections with that term. It appears that any conversation about femininity or feminism is just as complex as a conversation about being masculine, or masculinity.
Here is where I would like to introduce the phrase legacy masculinity. To me, this meaning is the old school traditional take on masculinity that many experienced growing up. Examples of this would be that it is masculine to be strong and silent, to exert dominance or leadership in the home, drink beer, eat red meat, work on the car, and make sure the woman in your life is in line.
I think we can all agree this type of legacy masculinity is quite rigid in its application. When looking at men through the lens of legacy masculinity there is no room for alternate fashion, styles, sharing of wide ranging emotions, and traditional role reversal (ie. a man that would clean the kitchen or do laundry).
Does it have to be this way? That is what I always ask myself when these topics come up. Is there an alternative way of looking at masculinity that makes sense, while still holding value personally and with society?
For me the answer is, yes! Of course! There can clearly be men with more legacy masculine characteristics while there are also other men who are masculine and perhaps have some alternate characteristics.
It feels like there is a constant drive to define, rather than to accept. Ask yourself this question though. When another person walks past you, do you try to define them or do you try to accept them?
I find it best to only be accepting of others, and to let them define themselves to me if they so choose. I accept that a person walking past me may need additional space, or they may need assistance to carry something, or to open a door. Or much more common, I will accept that they are just looking at their phone and I will likely not be acknowledged.
I leave it right there. I don’t go any deeper. I am not interested in knowing why this person is not looking up from their phone. I have no idea why, and I do not need to know either.
When it comes to masculinity I have a similar viewpoint. Who am I to judge, or make the rules, about what makes a person, male or female, masculine? Why would that information even be necessary to me? It would not be necessary. If it was necessary the person would inform me one way or another.
Being comfortable with who we are, and being accepting of others for who they are is the root of my masculinity. When I see another person I always try to simply accept them. Accept they exist and that they are a unique individual. They will likely have different views, values, and ideals; and that is amazing! That is what makes the world an interesting place.
Whenever the topic of masculinity comes up, it is always an interesting one, but one that always feels like more of an academic exercise rather than a real world application.
To be a masculine male means being confident in who you are, and to always be looking out for others. There is enough room for nuance and acceptance of all.
What does masculinity mean to you? Do you ever feel bombarded by the term masculinity in society today? Is it a nothing-burger for you or does your masculinity define your world?